


the only man he ever loved.

by lexiedematteo



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-10
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-30 03:03:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8516041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lexiedematteo/pseuds/lexiedematteo
Summary: Just a short continuation of the last scene with Trevor and Ian.This is what I would have liked to see happen, or at least something of this sort.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what this is. It just came out of me after watching the most recent episode of Shameless.
> 
> I kind of like Trevor and Ian, even though Trevor is super pushy. (Please don't hate me.)
> 
> Mickey and Ian are endgame.No one will ever compare to them. Trevor to me is just a temporary learnig experience.

Ian sat next to the charming, curly haired boy, laughing his ass off at the ridiculousness of the situation at hand. His mind is racing trying to figure out what the fuck is happening. ‘We’re seriously both tops? OK… so what now? It’s not like we can suck each-other off. Can we? Would that even be satisfying for him? Him watching me suck on a piece of silicone that he can’t feel my lips around at all? Am I forcing this? Is it because I don’t want to seem transphobic? No. I definitely have feelings for this guy. Fuck! This is confusing.’ Ian is broken from his thoughts when Trevor’s laughter subsides and he begins speaking.

“Hey, I really like you and I get that this is new and probably confusing for you. So let’s just take things slow, yeah? …Get to know each other?” Trevor has his hand on Ian’s knee comforting him and dissipating the awkwardness in the room.

“Yeah.” Ian nods and lets out a relieved sigh “We should get to know each other better, and I really like you too.” he adds with a smile before grabbing the boy’s face and pressing their lips together.  
The boys continue to explore each other’s lips and tongues for a few minutes before Trevor pulls off and stands up. Ian groans at the loss of contact.

“We should watch a movie or something.” He says, standing up, turning on the t.v. and throwing the remote to Ian. “Are you thirsty?” he adds as he makes his way to the kitchen and comes back with two cans of coke.

“Yeah, I guess.” The redhead responds as he palms his hard dick through his pants, trying to reverse some of the blood flow.

“Yeah, you need to cool down.” Trevor says smiling as he eyes Ian’s tented pants and drops down on the couch next to him. “Can’t have you trying to put that thing in my ass again.” He continues laughing. “I’m a gold star top.”

“Wait… What? Seriously, you’ve never bottomed before?” Ian asks now intrigued while turning to face the man sitting next to him on the couch. 

“Nope never have. Anal virgin.” Trevor responds simply as he takes a few swigs of his coke.

“Well, that information isn’t helping this situation at all.” Ian laughs out motioning towards his still hard dick.

“Sorry, but that’s not happening, so don’t get any ideas. What about you though? You ever try it?”

“Yeah, a few times with my ex. Wasn’t really my thing.” He shrugs as he grabs his coke from the coffee table and brings it to his lips. 

“Yeah, but if you did it more than once with him, you must have liked it a little bit?” Trevor asks hesitantly.

“It’s not going to happen, so don’t get any ideas.” Ian responds mockingly. “It’s not for me.” He adds, simply.

“Sorry. I’m not trying to push anything it’s just… You must have really loved him then, to do it just for him.” Trevor says catching the surprise in Ian’s eyes with his own.

“Yeah I guess.” Ian responds breaking their eye contact and dropping his head as he rubs his hand through his hair with a sigh. He feels guilty. He’s spent the last year trying to avoid thinking about Mickey for this reason. He doesn’t want to be filled with the guilt, anger and sadness that overcomes him, whenever the raven haired lost love of his life enters his mind. 

“We don’t have to talk about it.” Trevor says instantly picking up on Ian’s body language.

“No. It’s just I never told him.”

“Told him what?”

“That I loved him. We were together on and off for like 5 years and I never fucking told him.” Ian is looking straight ahead, avoiding eye contact. He’s desperately trying to hide the tears, that he’s failing to stop, forming in his eyes. “Sorry. I don’t know why I’m so fucking emotional, right now.” He says sniffling, rolling the can of soda in his hands.

“Maybe because you watched someone die, right in front of you…” Trevor responds as he turns sideways on the couch and pulls Ian closer to him, wrapping one arm around the taller man’s waist and lightly caressing his leg with his other hand. “I’ve never been in love with anyone before, but if I had been , I’d make sure they knew how I felt.” Trevor adds trying to calm the sniffling man in front of him. “Whatever happened to him?”

“He’s in prison. He got 15 years for attempted murder.” 

“Shit. That’s kinda scary.” 

“My half-sister, who’s not really my sister by blood…well she ratted on me to the Military police. Got me locked up. While I was in Military prison, he decided to get even. I don’t think he was trying to kill her though, they just got a little carried away.”

“They?”

“Yeah”, Ian sighs. He’s not trying to out Debbie, but at the same time he trusts Trevor and for some reason he’s always felt really comfortable opening up to him. “Debbie, my little sister with the baby. I guess she was in on it somehow.”

“So what happened to your not really half-sister? She still around?” Trevor smiles at how ridiculous the name sounds, but quickly covers it up, afraid to offend Ian. He loves that this big redheaded man is almost sitting in his lap opening up to him, being completely vulnerable. He doesn’t want to ruin the intimate moment.

“No. She’s locked up too. She tried to kill Mickey after he supposedly tried to kill her.” Ian huffs out a laugh. Realizing how insane this whole story must sound.

“You should go visit him.” Trevor boldly says looking into Ian’s eyes, as he gently strokes his back.

“What?” Ian’s tear stained eyes widen with shock. Is this guy for real? Is he really encouraging him to go visit his ex in prison?

“Go see him and tell him how you feel… or felt. Either way he deserves to know and you deserve to get it off your chest.”

“What?” Ian asks again shock still clear in his voice.

“Yeah, I mean if you learned anything from that lady that died today. It’s that you may not get another chance to say it.”

“Yeah.” Ian rubs his face with both of his hands suddenly tired of the heavy conversation. “I’m gonna head home.” He says as he stands up and rubs his palms down the front of his jeans. 

“Ian, wait I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to overstep or anything…” Trevor gets up and follows Ian towards the front door

“No it’s ok.” Ian turns around as he reaches the door. He grabs the shorter man’s face with one hand and gently pecks him. “Thanks for talking to me. I’ll call you tomorrow. OK?” he says sweetly before quickly leaving. As soon as the door closes behind him, Ian’s breath hitches in his throat. He can barely keep it together as he walks down the street. He doesn’t know where he’s going he just keeps walking and walking until he looks up and realizes where his feet have taken him. He jumps up onto the trash can and hops over the fence. A tear rolls down his cheek as he sits down on the bench. He looks out at the field in front of him and decides Trevor is right. He needs to go see Mickey.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OK here it is you guys. Thanks so much for your feedback and for asking for this. I really enjoyed writing it. Even though it's kind of a mess.
> 
> Ian’s legs never felt heavier as he forced his boots to move through the gravel parking lot. Not that he doesn’t want to do this. He’s been wanting to do this for a long time, it's just the immense fear of doing it wrong had always stopped him. The fear is still there and it’s demanding every ounce of his energy to keep his legs moving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK here it is Ian visiting Mickey in jail. I'm sorry if this is uneventful. I tried.

Ian’s legs never felt heavier as he forced his boots to move through the gravel parking lot. Not that he doesn’t want to do this. He’s been wanting to do this for a long time, it's just the immense fear of doing it wrong had always stopped him. The fear is still there and it’s demanding every ounce of his energy to keep his legs moving. The biggest fear weighing him down, is whether or not he’s even still on Mickey’s visitors list. It’s been about a year since he’s last been here to visit him and guilt starts to flood in with the fear. Ian stops for a second and takes a deep breath. He really needs to do this, for himself and for Mickey. He swallows the lump in his throat and continues into the prison. 

Ian approaches a female guard at the reception desk hesitantly. He’s not ready to be turned away, if he’s not on Mickey’s list. He’s determined to do this today.  
“Hello, My name is Ian Gallagher, I’m here to see inmate Mikhailo Milkovich.” Ian hands her his I.D. and shifts his weight nervously as he waits for the guard to finish typing away furiously on the keyboard.

“Ok, Yes. You are on the approved list of visitors for this inmate. You may enter the room down the hall and to your right. After you go through the second security checkpoint behind you, that is.” The guard hands back his I.D. and points to another guard behind him.

Ian let’s out a huge sigh of relief before he raises his eyebrows curiously and makes his way through the second security checkpoint no problem. He heads down the hall and another guard opens up the door for him. The room filled with tables and chairs that are almost full of inmates with their visitors. There are two guards stationed in the back corner of the room, watching everything. Ian makes eye contact with one of them and they motion for him to have a seat at one of the empty tables. He quickly takes a seat and removes his hood, so he can nervously rub his fingers through his hair. It’s only been about 10 minutes of waiting when the door opens and a huge Samoan looking guard enters escorting a short, gorgeous, dark-haired man, handcuffed behind him. Ian forgets to breathe for a few seconds as Mickey and the guard approach his table. Ian immediately makes eye contact with Mickey and let’s a small smile form on his lips. Mickey just smirks in response, he's trying to hide the shock and sadness that overwhelmed him at the first sight of the red-headed visitor. The guard mumbles something about no physical contact, except for one short hug at the beginning and end of each visit. Ian is not paying much attention to the guard, his eyes are fixed on the crystal blue ones in front of him. He doesn’t remember Mickey’s eyes being such a clear blue, or remember his skin being so smooth and pale. All the feelings Ian had for Mickey buried deep down, immediately resurfaced within moments of being in his presence. The guard sits Mickey down and removes the handcuffs from his wrists. He cuffs his ankle to the leg of the table before moving and waiting by the door.

“Hey.” Mickey breaks Ian’s intense eye contact and looks him up and down. “What are you doing here? You ok?”

“Yeah, I’m ok. I just really need to talk to you about something.”

“Ok??” Mickey shakes his head and lifts his hand, signaling Ian to continue.

“I’ve been wanting to see you for a while now and say this, but I always pussied out.” Ian looks down and starts nervously drawing on the table between them with his finger tips. 

“Better get on with it, Gallagher. Visiting hours don’t last forever.” Mickey’s bites impatiently making Ian smile at the familiar nickname and grumpiness of his only love.

Ian sighs and shakes his head, he’s ready to do this. “Mickey, you know how I’ve always felt about you right?” he says it so softly he almost whispers it as he locks his green eyes onto Mickey’s crystal blue ones once again.

“What?” Mickey responds slowly. “Ian, why are you doing this?” he adds keeping their eye contact.

“I need to know that you know. I have to make sure you know how much I…”

“Yes. I know.” Mickey interrupts, he knows, but he doesn’t want to hear the word leave Ian’s lips. Not like this. Not right now, in this room. “I know what we had. I’ll never forget it. Is that all you came for?” Mickey bites. He’s beginning to feel hurt as he’s reminded of the love he no longer has.

“Mickey, if I could go back and change it, what I did to you. I would. I’m so..” A tear is rolling down Ian’s cheek and he sniffles a little bit trying to keep himself together. 

“It’s ok. I know. We don’t have to talk about it.” Mickey reaches a hand out towards Ian’s, he’s completely melting to the sniffling red-head in front of him. Ian takes his hand and rubs his finger across the tattooed knuckles.

“No touching!” a guard yells at them. Mickey quickly pulls his hand away and rolls his eyes at the guard.

“You doin’ ok?” Mickey asks Ian hesitantly, hoping Ian realizes he’s mostly asking about his disease.

“I’m good, Mick. I finally found a good balance of meds and got myself a pretty good job as an EMT.” Ian smiles, he’s happy to be telling the only love of his life how well he’s doing. He’s proud of himself and he knows Mickey probably is too.

“No shit?” Mickey asks surprised. “Saving lives and shit?... I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. You did always have a hero complex.” 

“Yeah I guess.” Ian replies “What about you? You doing ok in here? You need anything?” 

“Nah man. I’m good. Mandy and Iggy’s been visiting me once a month, putting money in my commissary and shit.”

“You look really good.” Ian says with a smile and raises his eyebrows flirtatiously. “I’ve missed you.”

“Don’t do that, man. You can’t pull that shit on me anymore.” Mickey breaks their eye contact and looks at the floor as he’s filling with anger and guilt.

“Why, you got a boyfriend or something here?” Ian asks studying the emotions on Mickey’s face.

“No I don’t, but I heard you fucking have one.” He replies bitterly.

“Not anymore.” Ian says matter of factly.

“So that’s why you came? Firefighter boy dumps your crazy ass and you come running here?” Mickey asks bitterly with eyebrows raised. He leans back in his chair and crosses his arms over his chest, showcasing his arms and their newly gained muscle tone. 

“No asshole. I dumped him when I found out he likes fucking chicks on the side.” Ian bites back just as hard. They are both really good at this. 

“Well, you certainly have a type.” Mickey laughs out breaking the tension. “Was he old and married too.?” Mickey busts out his huge devilish grin, mostly to keep himself from being decked in the face. He still knows how to calm Ian when he’s getting too riled up . 

“Yeah, fuck you too.” Ian laughs back 

Ding! Ding! Ding! Their bubble is bursted by the bell indicating that visiting hours are over.

Mickey leans over and whispers to Ian. “If we could start over, me and you. I mean completely start over. Would you do it?” 

“Of course I would.” Ian says simply as a guard approaches them and begins to cuff Mickey’s wrists. “Thanks for talking to me. It was really good to see you, Mick.

“Yeah, you too. See ya, Gallagher.” 

Ian holds his breath as he watches Mickey leave the room. He thought doing this would make him feel at peace with their relationship, but he just feels overcome with sadness. He slowly realizes just how much he’s missed Mickey and how much he wishes he could have their relationship back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading guys. Please let me know what you think.  
> Kudos and comments make my day!!
> 
> xoxo to you all.  
> I love this fandom!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian being honest with Trevor about his feelings for Mickey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is another short Trevor and Ian chapter. Hopefully you guys aren't dissapointed.   
> I'm gonna write 1 more maybe 2 of Ian's visits with Mickey.

Ian is standing on the front porch shifting uncomfortably on his feet. He’s nervous. He still doesn’t know what he’s going to say. He knows he doesn’t want to break anymore hearts and if he wants to salvage any type of friendship with Trevor, he knows needs to be honest with him. Ian let’s out a long sigh and starts knocking on the door. He’s ready to bite the bullet and get this over with.

Trevor opens the door shirtless with a towel hanging over his shoulder. “Hey man. I just got home from a workout, was about to hop in the shower.” He quickly turns around and moves, inviting Ian to follow him inside.

“Hang out here for a sec. Grab a beer from the fridge. I’ll be quick.” Trevor gives Ian a small peck and heads to the shower. 

Ian heads to the fridge and pulls out a beer. He chugs most of the bottle hoping a little lubrication will make this conversation go easier. He’s happy Trevor gave him a few extra minutes to gather his thoughts, but he’s still not sure what to say. He finishes the beer in his hand and sets it on the counter next to him. Ian hears the shower turn off in the bathroom and immediately goes for another beer. He’s halfway through his second brew, when Trevor emerges wearing nothing but gray sweats and a towel over his shoulders. 

“We getting drunk tonight?” he asks with a half smile as he passes Ian to grab a beer for himself.

“Hopefully.” Ian responds, staring down at the label he is nervously tearing off the bottle in his hand.

“What’s wrong?”

Ian just shrugs and looks away, still not sure what he wants to say.

“Is this about what I said the other night? Look I’m sorry I was just trying to help.” Trevor moves closer to Ian as he speaks, reaching out to grab Ian’s hand with his own.

Ian quickly moves his hand away and glances up just in time to see the hurt look on Trevor’s face.  
“I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry.” Ian backs up and quickly turns around to move towards the door. 

Trevor moves just as quickly and grabs Ian by his shoulder to turn him back around.  
“Why?”

Ian just shrugs again and looks down avoiding contact.

“Come on, stop being a little pussy and just tell me what’s up. I can take it.”

Ian nods and moves to the living room to sit on the couch. He hangs his head and rubs a hand through his hair and over his face. He lets out a long sigh and looks up to see Trevor leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed in front of him and an eyebrow raised questioningly. 

“I went to go see Mickey, my ex in prison yesterday.” 

“Yeah, how did that go?”

“Different than expected.”

“Apparently.”

“Look, don’t get me wrong I definitely have feelings for you but I’m just not…available. I’m sorry.

“Really? You got back together with him?”

“That’s not what I said.” 

“So what you’re going to wait for him or something? How much time does he even have left?”

“I don’t know. 7? 10? 14? years, maybe. Look I don’t know what I am going to do. I just know that yesterday when I saw him”… Ian blinks back tears “I still love him, have since I was 15. Don’t think that’s going to change anytime soon. I’m sorry.” Ian sniffles and looks away.

“Damn.” Trevor uncrosses his arms and moves to sit next to Ian. “I’d be lying I said this didn’t fucking hurt, but I get it. It’s actually kind of beautiful.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Ian laughs out. He is now smiling at the confirmation of his beautiful love for Mickey. “You’re a great guy, I don’t deserve you anyway.”

“Yeah that’s probably true.” Trevor laughs out and nudges Ian’s shoulder with his own to let him know he’s playing. 

Ian smiles in return. “I want to say that I hope we can still be friends, but that seems a little cliché.”

“No. I want that too. Just give me a little time to stop being butt hurt.” They both immediately laugh at the obvious pun.

“Yeah, ok.” Ian nods and get’s up. He downs the rest of his beer and takes the empty bottle to the kitchen.   
Ian moves towards the door “I’m going to go.” 

Trevor follows him. “Don’t disappear on me, ok.”

Ian smiles and kisses Trevor on the cheek. “I’ll call you next weekend. We’ll go rage.”

Ian feels a huge weight lift off his shoulders as the door closes behind him. He has his work cut out for him when it comes to repairing his relationship with Mickey, but at least Trevor and him are in a good place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading. I really love this fandom. Please, Please leave me feedback and let me know what you guys think and want to see next.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading guys!! 
> 
> Please, tell me what you think. Kodos and comments make my day!


End file.
